This is my new hair :)
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Pictures

So all of you wanted to see what I look like now after trading in my natural dark brown with blonde highlights to "Midnight Black" well here you go!

Me again with Hooker red nails with pink stripes LOL btw thanks gram for the Polish. Matches well with the whole death warmed over look eh.

mmmmm Thinking?

Christmas Eve
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: The Christmas Story Movie in the background
Topic: The Positive
Ok so things didn't go bad today like I was expecting... Christmas Eve was alright I guess Mom & Rich came by, gave me a candle holder...It was good to see her sober for once, it's been years since I've seen her sober I almost forgot what she was like that way. Rich was being a dick as usual, I think it's just always like that, maybe it's b.c. of the lack of the skitzo medication. Hmmm, I'm not sure. Finished packing up I decided to take the red bag that Jo gave me as well as this other tote bag, no purse just my wallet, and the bare essentials. So now I have two bags and one christmas bag with a few presents in it. I'm going to try to tell the people that the little tote bag is my purse and that the red bag is my one carry on that way maybe they won't make me check anything. Luggage wise. We'll see. I can't wait to see Jo it's less than 24 hours now. I've missed her so - and being without her was difficult especially this last couple of weeks. I'm so inlove with her and I feel really happy about our relationship and the way that it is going. Well, that's about it. I don't know when Jo is working until but I'm going to go to sleep earlier then usual b.c. I'm getting up so early (4am)

Tomarrow I will be in Colorado. :-D

The Saga of Rich and Steve Continue . . .
Mood:  irritated
Topic: My Mom
It never seems to amaze me how my mother can turn an alright day to a complete disaster. emotionally anyways. It just bothers me that she feels asthough she can just be a teenager again, now that her child, me in grown, not that she was ever a real mother but that's really not the point, only resentment. It's like one big mother fucking soap opera ----- truth is

I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO BE INVOLVED.

I'm not the third party in this fucked up situation, so when she calls me and says all this shit that "I should do ----- it angers me b.c. I don't have to do shit, it's her bed she's a grown adult so let her lay in it.

In other news, it's only 1 day and a morning until I see Jo. I'm very excited about that.... YAY.

I wish Jo was online.... I feel like venting to someone, but no one's online... oh well guess I'll go in my room.

Not in the best of moods anyway.

"None of your fucking business"
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Sex in the City rerun in the background
Topic: The life I lead
So today was uneventful. Pretty much packed everything I planned on taking to Colorado. Looks like I'll be taking the red bag Jo gave me and a little Verizon Wireless bag that my Aunt Maureen gave me, not to mention a purse, and xmas bag full of presents. Thinking about checking the red and verizon wireless bag b.c. they only allow you to take a purse and one carry on - on the plane. I called the travel agency and they consider xmas presents a carry on, *rolls eyes* So I'll have to check them...

Gram and I were having a private conversation just now, and brooks walked in from outside and said, "is there going to be a problem when Jo moves down." Well he didn't hear the conversation so he doesn't know what was said, infact, at that point I wasen't even talking about Jo and I. So I looked at him with an aggressive tone and said there is no problem with Jo and I and glared at him. He's like oh I hurt your feelings (sarcastically), I said no you didn't hurt my feelings It just seems like tonight, everytime I am talking to my gram, or having a conversation you have to instantly chime in and ask what was said or what happened or whos involved and sometimes it's just not your business or concern really. Sometimes you just don't have to be involved in every conversation.

He just looked at me and looked at gram, and gram's like we'll she's right for the past almost year you've been doing that everytime one of us turns around. Sometimes the conversation at hand does not need a third party. Then I went outside to have a cigarette and heard him saying some bullshit about being concerned for me, that's all. Yeah mother fucking right. He's such a fucking pedafile.(sp) I think he has not only a few screws loose but an entire porton of his brain. what a moron. No one's grandfather I know talks to his supposable grandaughter in this type of manner. When Jo moves here and school starts I'm going to have to just do my thing and do what I gotta do for me and my future and life. I love my grandmother and I know that something is up with her healthwise but once I get my degree I'm outta here. I'll visit but I can no longer expose myself to this type of bullshit before I break, it might not be the most mature and logical thing to do - but sometimes I feel like I could just take my hands literally and take his throat and squeeze. I don't know what my grandmother see's in a man like this. Talk about me settling in the past for things huh that's what it was - the topic. Well who the fuck are you brooks a shinning star. HAHA. Oh I'm sorry. That's right. Grrrrrr.

Apparently, Cortni went to Denver with Jo to buy some naughty things at an adult store for me for xmas. I really don't know what is up with their friendship b.c. one minute Jo is bitching and hurt b.c. of cortni's action and verbal reactions and the next minute they're best friends... *shrugs* Just bothers me b.c. it seems no matter how respectful and thoughtful Jo is towards Cortni she always stomps all over her, and I'm not having that. I won't watch that. So she needs to have respect. I don't like to see Jo upset.

On another Note, There is this guy named (Denny 66yr old man who has recently in the past year decided to become a transexual, he calls me all the time and wants me to take him to clubs so he can experience "the gay life" as he calls it. No, I did not volunteer myself for this, that's right my mother, I have told him on several occasions that this just wasen't happening, so therefore, I've stopped taking his calls. But he calls - constantly - not mean calls but all and all annoying.

God this journal entry sounds angry, eh oh well.

Just some thoughts linguring on my mind
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Alantis Morissette - Hands Clean/ Mary Jane
Topic: Analitical thoughts
Today I didn't do much. Packed a little, surfed online for some information, went to WTI and put Jo's resume in the system so it will be easier for her to find employment when she gets here, that way when I'm in school and she wants to look through the marion/citrus/levy database she will beable to do so b.c. she will be signed up. She still has to sign some things of course but that's something I did for her.

Thought about people a lot, individuals that are no longer in my life through my own person choice, or by death and how thier very presence or opinion has effected my life both to be better and yet worse. I don't regret that I have in a sense excommunicated these people from my life. It's for the better. The people, my friends that have died, well that happens in life, normally not three people in four months but hey still happens. I do believe in fate and that everything does happen for a reason. I'm not the same person I was a year ago and think about neither are any of you we all grow and change and learn something about ourselves everyday.

Four days now, until I see Jo. I haven't been more sure about something other than our relationship in my entire life. Friends and people I chat with online have asked me questions about her, and I answer all of them truthfully. I haven't been happier, and for me to say that you know it has to be true, usually especially the last two years I've been a negative and pessemistic individual. By knowing her and being with her she has brought a softer, more loving side of me out one in which I haven't seen in some years. I feel so much emotion towards her sometimes that my heart feels like it's going to burst. It's incrediable.

"True and unconditional love is not gazing into eachother's eyes but looking in the same direction" - A very wise woman.

Very excited about going back to school and about the fact that I will once again be on my own track. What I mean by Own track is that it seems to me that I've been playing life by everyone else's wants and desires until now and I'm finally doing this for myself and only myself. To better my education and life in the long run.

There's a lot on my mind but I don't feel like tying anymore.